But he would have taken it to the grave. He is the one that has to make an effort to regain trust and hiding under his bed in his apartment that you moved his pathetic ass into!!!!! But I am simply not sure. This only fueled me more. He is a very funny guy. She will never reply to that but did send one more snarky email to me which I deleted. As TFW says, I very much understand it has to be his idea for R. Its why I knocked back the half-hearted offer for MC the other day and he changed his mind less than 24 hours later anyway so Im glad I did not take him seriously. I am so sorry for you and please continue to get support from this blog. Stupid me. It is associated with an anxious and suspicious nature, when she (he), due to personal and social reasons, is afraid to marry. Or, Satori looks like she is ok without me etc so the interest is only ego-based. Satori you are very very smart. Yet somehow it was in hers. It hurts to be put I that position with your spouse. I know theres lots of sites that purport you can fix your marriage alone. There are plenty of such phobias before marriage, but all this is a usual pre-wedding jittery, it does not affect the feelings of the newlyweds at all. They werent there but I knew I had to get out which thank god I did and shut the door behind me. That is his mindset. The 180 method seems like game playing a bit. Still a child. I heard the whole your so hot (in my 50s) so many guys would love to be in a relationship with you. You see, my grandfathers sister blamed her own mothers foul on her own grandmother, my (not so great) great, great grandmother. You can have everything.. H replies: You do. H said he ended the PA/EA and he cancelled the 3 week trip that he secretly booked using our travel agent. I run our business from home and online so I can go days without seeing anyone if I dont need to as all our employees work across locations. . I do it all. He may be looking at it from a position of my parents and wife cannot be in the same room. You dont have to have all the answers, right now. I am still wary but for the first time, I actually felt some truth in the statement and I watched him and tried to feel what he was saying rather than listen to the verbal word salad. Lawyers and accountants are now doing their ritualistic dance. Just wish some kind of rare form of cancer on her. The entitlement is the worry. Lol same response. Good that you are getting your financial affairs (no pun intended) together. Do not need the conflict. She thought that would be quite nice. One of Hs stated fears (this was said the previous day) is that if we reconcile, I will have him totally locked down. It is what bonds them together right now babe us vs wife bonding syndrome as I call it. Puzzleds situation it seems like his W stayed in the home too so they had a chance to work on things in situ. Kumbaya indeed. TheFirstWife there was a moment there where I actually felt sorry for him. My H could play golf when he wanted and do things with his friends and I made sure he had time away from kids (as did I). I hope you lawyer up and maybe talk to a therapist for support. I understand you cant pray for your H yet. It must be very hard for you both. The beauty of EAJ is the openness and a sense of gentleness that for me feels safe. he says he cannot commit to Reconciliation The reason I was given is they never really sorted out her cheating ???? Infidelity and the consequences of it are, to me, the death of that marriage. A few people, mostly women, explain their behavior by saying that they did not want to cancel the wedding, as the invitations had already been sent, and they did not want to embarrass their partner and family. I know Im still working on accepting all that has transpired and realize that I may never fully understand why my ex did what she did. You know the truth..hang on to that. And the ugly sense of entitlement. Its almost like Im split into two people. I told him I was not going to live like that and I was very unhappy. Im happy to hear youve made some personal strides. So I took off in my wedding dress. Everything you say is right on and I promise you are going to come out of this better, smarter, tougher, wiser, more resilient, hubby not so much Im afraid. Wwwwhhhaatt I only made dinner, I never told him what to eat. But, like TFW stated, nothing we say or do probably makes them wake up. She thought he was bluffing. I took that kick me sign off my back and became a demanding assertive bitch! I feel bad. Stop thinking so highly of yourself Affairs may happen at a certain time of a mans life but that age certainly doesnt cause an MLC. You have to ignore it and let your lawyer do your talking. You dont think hes going to blame himself do you??? By that point I was over it. If you struggle with it, then fake it until you make it. We both had the blessed iPhone. I completely agree with your statement: Infidelity and the consequences of it are, to me, the death of that marriage. My friends husband bought a bar as his mid life crisis. My managers were in the vicinity, so I decided to delay my response. I hope he has it in him. I was done and over it. No certainty for me is all I can know for sure. I still think you are doing great. After all the uncertainty, I deserve for it to happen with no more crap and excuses. The runaway spouse may not physically leave but emotionally theyve checked out. He was less so in the last few days of our meetings (the ice thaw Ive been posting about) but he still said stupid stuff like I dont like the way you speak to me sometimes. But yet he was convinced the relationship was in for the long haul. 24 hours later at the dinner, he was as shut down and pouting as Ive seen him. Anyhow: he proof is in the pudding*: I am calm and feeling actually *almost normal* for the first time today. after DDay of I am sorry. He simply CANT really be the man he was before. I need to re-read it all and re-contextualise what I now should be doing. But the reality is the marriage and relationship that we, as the betrayed spouse, believed in, is now gone and something new is taking shape. GGGRRRR shes messing with the wrong grandmother here and shes lucky I didnt rip into her for that one!!! Sure enough it came out. Thank you SingleDad. Good luck to you please seek counseling to get the emotional support you need. I dont know what would have happened to my well being if he had not. Seriously NC like I hope he doesnt know you are going kind of NC. Id actually be sweating too. Mason countersued, claiming emotional distress from being left at the altar. It's important to know! Physically sick. This made the break-up even worse. No matter what happens you WILL get smarter and stronger. He (in his own) planned a beautiful romantic evening complete with a stay at an expensive inn. Heck I was offering it up on a platter for him. Finally he had to leave for a meeting and I rang him that night and downloaded another earful on him. I dont have it in me to go through this again. Its lack of character at any age. Thats GOOD. This is how my friend got rid of his ex-wife. All kidding aside, theres still hope if you want it. He moved back that weekend that I returned home. I couldnt go through it again. There is always a cost and a lesson, I am thankful that I have had such experts both in the real world and with you and everyone here at EAJ to assist me to decode each. White knuckling it basically. Do you think it is too soon for this or will it shock him into comprehension of what is at stake? What is wrong with you??. Then suddenly E hooked up with this woman who was chaotic with 4 kids from two previous relationships. Doesnt matter the reason. He needs to snap the hell out of that if he doesnt want to be looking on the other side of a courtroom!! I am leaning towards my MIL as emissary (or as TryingHard called it a fishing expedition) in search of hard info and to take the temperature on what the general vibe was towards her son. Tonight he didnt take my call. Someone you dont know. I grieve the purity of what we had. etc). He swears he was so scared to get out of the affair that if I were to find out Id have kicked him to the curb. They do need their space and their freedom to get through this, but at the same time they need to treat us with respect and we need to stand up and make sure we get it. Then, she came to the house, and took the dog, (behind my back) who used to sit at my feet while I cried because she had abandoned the marriage. I will never again be the same trusting person I was before all of this. He clearly stated 2 days ago I dont want to re R. Vikki Stark tells the story in the beginning of her book about the moment she found out her husband of twenty-plus years was leaving. He was gone 3 1/2 months before I put my foot down and really blew. I think he is coming around but the actions to match the words still lacking. I am not sure what is going to happen in my situation, but it would help to know exactly what Im dealing with! But for this commenter to invoke my grandchildren in her petty criticism is crossing the line with me!!! I just remember that I got to a point where I decided that I would be fine no matter the outcome. I am grateful to have been able to get the help. Not easy. I just sat in it for a whole day as it was the only place I felt safe. What behavior do I want to put an end to? However she May also have been wthere to assess whether the forces were lining up against her son in a negative way. lol. I am authentic and real. People often suffer.alone. Screw him. Im not going to blame the fact that my doctors told my sister to give me a couple of ambien and I dont remember how many xanax and then they left me alone. Huge hugs to you all and see you on the other side. I think there is a part of him that wants R. Right now its buried under fear. I am so sorry you are going through this. The only way to go forward after such devastation is insisting on a relationship that is honest and commited. But the possibility of doing the hard, vulnerable work of deep reconciliation, is very small, in these situations. Waiting around only gives them more time to steal from you. He didnt have OW around he left b/c he couldnt live like in that environment and nothing being addressed anymore. PuzzledBoy you really gave me something to think about. Thats hilarious and evokes school again, which is what it all felt like. Non committal. I was willing to give him all the time and space he needed. He had her so upset the other day that she called me and said that my ex is evil and parinoid. The lack of remorse is tough to process. She seemed to think there would be no R. But when I asked her how she knew that she couldnt tell me why. They are distant and dimmed. But that is his problem because trust has to be earned. Kind of Alien vs Predator ultimate combat where OW vs American Psycho battle which takes out two villains since that would be a duel to the death and the world is infinitely a better place accordingly. Im thinking no. Right now since you are in a business relationship with your h that takes precedence above all else. Great. How do you choose better the next time?? My son is the most easy going non-abrasive man you could ever hope to meet. Although a proposal is usually followed by yes! there may later come a time for no, or a whoa.Some would speculate that Priya was experiencing a post-traumatic stress reaction, or that she had a manic-depressive disorder, or maybe an anxiety disorder, as the result of a highly stressful event in her life. Satori Short answer YES to all the above. Its as if they are trying to taunt us with their new way of living. And this lack of characteristics and opportunity is how and why affairs happen. It sucks, big time. Just because hes says it loud and often doesnt make it so. It is just not real their relationship is built on fluff and fantasy. What has worked and NOT worked for ME. Trust in God and know you are not alone. But what it doesnt mean is that there will never be love again. If the house has had some value added by your H. Just saying!]. I coukd not tell you if he will do anything about it. All I said to MIL was R is on the table but the window is closing fast. its not called a deadline for nothing!! Or at the first sign of challenges or issues that are being faced will he bolt?. Just being far far away is liberating while everything ticks along. And yes Bluesky when someone goes to the extent to solicit censoring commenters here for language it IS because they are offended and have delicate sensibilities. And the sooner we stop trying to untangle their fuckupedness the faster we heal. H was: Paranoid. Yes actually as parents we can have an influence if they want it. But I do know its very much crunch time. I have NO need to be validated by you or anyone else. TryingHard, thats some homecoming you describe!! R is a commitment. Trying Hard is spot on. Ok hes recognizing. He said his greatest hope was to spend the rest of his days building our connection and future. He is saying a lot of things lots of mixed messages but no stated desire to continue in the marriage which breaks me. He must police himself. What got me and still hurts is how smug and flippant my wife was with me. So is running and kick boxing!! Also my H has left our home (elements of either Exit A or MLC A or Runaway H) so its got the detaching flight thing happening as well. I could see him bristle. Just got to choose to look past the bad and see good, have to step out of the darkness and into the Light. Try to bring a couple of ..remember when.. to the date. . He may fight you but thats ok. Ive seen other infidelity sights and yes some are monitored and censored. Thats why I cried all the way home on the plane like some kind of menopausal psycho!!! Im not even feeling like a second choice. I dont know. IMO he did everything he could. The bottom line is that I cant do this anymore Im going insane. So what can you do with someone like that? If they said night was day and. Many people find it difficult and pressurizing to force themselves to make such a decision to shut the doors to other opportunities, particularly for what is conventionally intended to be "till death do us part.". But to cause that to happen to you and your livelihood well IMO that is wrong and he is a coward. But in his current state he is acting like a spoiled child who wants everyone around him to fix his problems. And youve gone NC for a couple days. Even on business phone calls to my accountant or property manager. Dont let your h infidelity run everything you e worked so hard for. Puzzled and TH The timeline of this agony is what scares me. LOL I live in one of those states. And I realized the only thing I could have done had I known he was unhappy was to suggest IC for him. So when he said yes I want to be M to you I believed it. Although, a wife never wants to be seen as mommy either because then a husband has a hard time viewing her as a lover and that causes a whole other set of problems. I didnt care. covert N etc) but when you are still in love with someoneenter Denial. Satori, hes not going to kill himself. I dont regret one thing I did except not getting bad ass sooner but it all takes time because honestly I was in shock for a good 6 weeks. I sincerely hope you are able to get some sleep and realize that you will get through this and it will be on your own timeline and you are allowed to grieve for as long as you need to. There are times in life when people are blinded by runaway spouses. Hmmm. He hired her one month later after meeting her/ A started two months later. And now that I know this can happen. She is not worth fighting for! I yelled where is she. I had hoped my H might snap out of it too. Blah Blah blah. You do. But I also lawyered up. You did nothing to cause your spouse to leave. and for the prayers and positive thoughts. Hs moods are like the weather. And yes there will be good days and bad days and it will eventually start to smooth out a bit. All I can do is be true to my feelings now while self protecting at the same time. Im working on getting more sleep. Then whos going to fill that job??? I wish I knew about this site during the crazy time of the A. So I think you can say it but it wont be an option. He would jokingly complain about turning 50 but he still looked good for his age. Thank you everyone for the boost. I suggest those who are offended by words find those sites. And only his actions. I would literally wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing as though I were running. In relation to any question (I mean any whatsoever) my H says Ill think about it. There are good people in the world and Im super grateful to have found my crew here. Yes I did indeed boot/block one person and only one person- ever from this site a few years ago. I still am I think. Hindsight and all. Actually to both him and her. TryingHard-Theres no need to yell at me. But little by little youll start healing. I know it. They are frantic to get to a western civilization. Oh DI thank you. Satori Cutting losses seems to be the order of the day. Its a precursor though, for sure. And TFW: Ive known my wife since we were 18. I have two books I want to recommend to you: Resisting Happiness by Matthew Kelly and Everybody Needs to Forgive Somebody by Allen Hunt. Sorry but cheater logic simply pisses me off!! Ive found some OW sites but they are so inane I had to quit for my own sanity. Just putting this out there, because its at play in so many cheating relationships, but unfortunately, most of the wonderful reconciliation techniques, will.not.work. Talk about manipulated! It is the I deserve to be happy mentality. And maybe the joint business makes things more complicated. I actually didnt find this site or any other until about 2 years after DDay maybe more. I have such high anxiety that the emotional abuse is nearly pushing me over the edge. I hurried out the door to the Chinese place but, damn, forgot my wallet. I was determined that my husbands poor choices wouldnt make me hard and bitter. Thanks TryingHard. One of my biggest worries when my h left is what would I do about health insurance as I was covered under his policy as his wife. Thats a load of crap. Anything so shed leave us the fuck alone. ???? You have made me laugh in some of my darkest moments. Has anyone had experience with this and how to R? UGH. So that gives you the upper hand. Stasis. I decided one day after a particularly rough therapy session discussing the D that I was not going to take his crap. Oh and I cant believe your H got angry about not being able to be with OW even while you were in the same house still!! Thats interesting. At that time my state was not a free will divorce state. You are my beautiful girrrrrlll. But it can be done. The reasons for this behavior lie in personality psychology. Is this stuff written down somewhere?!! Too bad, so sad for the sad little sausage . It was MC or divorce. Everything usually seems great at first, and no lack of emotional connection. I told him I dont want to date anyone Im married to you. To lose your spouse, your social life as a couple, your job (me eventually), property etc. She said yes she does. They had to see how to act with dignity and honor when you are being treated horribly by the person who should treat you the best. You are going to have to list all expenses and assets. And then race to 1000 beats a second. Stop throwing your pearls to swine. But Im struggling with the grander concepts atm. My son who divorced didnt let me get involved much. Sometimes it turns out in life quite unfriendly. 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Everything you E worked so hard for H infidelity run everything you E worked hard...
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